I started this blog as a self-exploration, like a journal. I was hoping this will help me to put down my thoughts. I hoped this will take me towards clarity to lead a life with confidence and a degree of certainty. I felt like I was traveling a 'pathless path'. I read a lot along the way and a lot of people influenced me. I feel like what I have done here is just piece together different ideas (mine and others) into a framework that makes sense to me, that puts my mind in peace, something that gives me an anchor, something unchangeable to organize my life around. I hope that this helps others as well. I hope the next generation of humans will have an alternative to traditional religion in the form of 'rational empiricism'. I hope this catches on and few generations later humanity will live in harmony; that we will be a healthier and kinder race, maintain a cleaner planet, enjoy company of family and friends and do great things with our curiosity and inventiveness in such a way that it doesn't jeopardize our health, home or planet.
Reviewing older posts, I can summarize that the fundamental problem seemed to be "imperfect knowledge". We just don't know everything. As a result, we act in a confused way, without clarity. Because of my Hindu heritage, I explored the four paths; 'jnana yoga', 'karma yoga', 'bhakti yoga' and 'raja yoga'. None of them appealed to me other than 'jnana yoga'. I have to agree that I didn't really pursue any other yoga for any amount of time. I had a proclivity towards 'jnana yoga' because I guess I have a rational and intellectual bent of mind. Here I have to mention Jiddu Krishnamurthy's early influence on me (around age 16). He was the one who gave me the courage to look outside 'idol-worshipping, ritualistic Hinduism' I was used to growing up.
The book that influenced me a lot was called "jnana yoga" by Ramakrishna Puligandla which I picked up when I was in Grad school (when I was 23). He makes the case for "non-duality" to be the reality of Existence and "duality" to be an illusion or manifestations of non-duality and "raja yoga" asanas and meditative practices as a way to experience non-duality. I was intrigued. But I didn't quite see how that could help as I still need to live and survive in this world and cannot be in a meditative state all the time. What I needed was a pill to endure duality, I thought. Non-duality may be sweet but I have to live in Duality.
A few years later, I encountered books of Ramesh Balsekar (around age 26). His message was drastically different. He didn't prescribe anything. He just said you cannot find out where this Universe began etc and that humans and everything else are pre-programmed (causality) and there was no free-will. You can live as if you have 'free will', but there is really no such thing as you are just a bundle of your past thoughts and experiences and you will react and act in the future based on your past and your present physiological state.
Anyway, my hope that non-duality will cure all confusion slowly died. I realized one day (unclear how) that irrespective of whether I have attained "realization and clarity", time passes on and I have bills to pay and obligations to fulfill and a life to live. I felt a bit dumb chasing this elusive "non-duality" magic pill and didn't want to be in this search all my life and regret missing out on life. I really wanted a remedy right away. I wanted something like a rock, something unchanging and something I can count on that I can use to navigate through life.
That is when it dawned on me that I should just create my own religion (around age 31), a framework that will help me. If humans invented other religions, I can invent one myself. I just need to convince myself (I am a hard critic of religions) that whatever religion I invented works for me. If it doesn't work for me, its useless and probably wont' work for others as well.
How to invent a new religion?
To be continued in the next post.
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